can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
