She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
