When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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