I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize