I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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