Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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