the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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