I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
