I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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