Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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