my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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