How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
