I faked an abortion last night.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
