I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
