Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
