im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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