Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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