honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
