I need help removing her.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
