I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
