What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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