We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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