I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
