Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
