p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
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