Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I cannot find my penis.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
