Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
