can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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