Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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