wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
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