Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
