Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
