hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
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