so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize