I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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