just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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