So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
