he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
