R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
