you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
