you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
