I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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