So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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