Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
