So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
