yo everyone went to the hospital last night
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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