ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
