i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
