1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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