new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
