I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
