remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
