I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
