Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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