I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
