i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
