At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
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