even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
