i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
