Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
