The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
