This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
