he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
