According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think my moral compass just broke
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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