pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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