so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
