"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
