I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
