Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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