You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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