my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
