I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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