she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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