I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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