Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
