did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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