He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
