Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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