You're earring is so big in my mouth
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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