Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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