it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
