I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am naked and annoyed.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
