Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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