Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
