Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize