I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
