we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
